A mushroom walks into a bar, sits down and orders a drink. The bartender says, "We don't serve mushrooms here." The mushroom says, "Why not?! I'm a fun guy!"

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A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He sidles up to the bar and announces: "I'm lookin' for the man who shot my paw."

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This guy goes into a restaurant for a Christmas breakfast while in his home town for the holidays. After looking over the menu he says, "I'll just have the eggs benedict." His order comes a while later and it's served on a huge fancy chrome plate. He asks the waiter, "Whats with the fancy plate?" The waiter replies, "There's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise!"

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Very early one morning two birds are sitting at the side of a large puddle of oil. They see a worm on the other side. So... the one flies over and the other one swims through-which one gets to the worm first? The one who swam, of course, because "Da oily boid gets da woim."

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When she told me I was average she was just being mean.

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A neutron goes into a bar and asks the bartender, "How much for a beer?" The bartender replies, "For you, no charge."

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Two molecules are walking down the street and they run in to each other. One says to the other, "Are you all right?" "No, I lost an electron!" "Are you sure?" "I'm positive!"

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Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocaine during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.