Job Ad Phrases Defined
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Advancement opportunity:
Crap job.
Entry level:
Really crap job.
No experience necessary:
The mother of all crap jobs.
Administrative assistant:
Crap job with a title.
Ground floor opportunity:
Crap job with a company that will file bankruptcy within a year.
Progressive company:
Employees get to wear jeans every other Friday.
Team player:
Must deal with dangerously territorial co-workers with rabid
personalities.
Upbeat personality:
Must neither threaten us with any kind of lawsuit nor use the
drug & alcohol rehab benefit within the first year.
Word processing skills essential:
There's a crippling case of carpal tunnel syndrome in your
future.
Public relations:
Receptionist
Professional appearance important:
$20K/yr job that requires a $100K/yr wardrobe
Pleasant telephone manner:
Be the voice of 1-900-HOT-TIME
Salary range $24,000 to $32,00:
The salary is $24,000
Jeans job!
Minimum wage temp job in concentration camp conditions.
Will train:
Prior conviction of a felony or two no problem.
B.A. required, master's preferred:
Must be an M.A. willing to work on a B.A.'s salary
Civil service:
This job was filled from the inside six months ago.
Women & minorities encouraged to apply:
White males need not waste the stamp.
Outstanding benefits package:
Health insurance.
Tons of variety!
We took all the heinous tasks no other employee would do & rolled
them into one job.
Top-notch communication skills:
Telemarketing
Beautiful offices in attractive location:
Brand new ticky-tacky windowless building where the picture
frames
all match the carpeting.
Secretary:
Woman-only job with the responsibilities of management & wages of
a migrant worker.
Executive secretary:
The most powerful position in the company
Dedicated:
You're looking at a minimum of 80 hours a week from now until we
force you into early retirement.
Salary commensurate:
We'll pay you whatever the hell we feel like.
Salary negotiable
We'll take the lowest bidder.
Competitive salary:
We'll pay you up to 10% more than your last job and not one
penny more.
Competitive starting salary:
Ten cents above minimum wage.
Pleasant atmosphere:
A staff of pod people.
Professional atmosphere:
Zombie pod people.
Fun, creative atmosphere:
Pod people from hell.
Dynamic atmosphere:
Zombie pod people from hell.
Gal Friday:
Anyone who actually applies for this job deserves it.
Self-starter:
Open to very broad interpretation since no one really knows what
this means.
